Catching up...with Irony

Let's see - June 12th I blogged and made some type of comment like this: "Yeah suckas. Your boy is riding today. Mmm-Hmm. Jealous!" and was getting stitches to the face, multiple x-rays, and a CT scan of my head within 3 hours.

Wrecks happen - 99% of the time they are of the mild variety. So much so as to not even be considered wrecks. Call 'em dust ups or tumbles. Kinda sounds fun, no? Then you have your one percenters, helmet-splitters, and the like. Well, this was a major wad up. Always bad when you 1) never see it coming, 2) land on something unforgiving (like a bridge), 3) end up needing a new helmet, and 4) details are fuzzy at best.

Cut to the ER room, I've had my CT, Xrays, etc. and am pretty confident that nothing is broken but that I will need some stitches. Doc comes in and confirms...much to my dismay as the whole stitching process, more so when it involves my face, is just, um, horrifying to me...call me 'Baby Stomach' McWesson. Then, almost as an afterthought, the doc (his last name was Holiday believe it or not) says, 'Oh yeah, while your CT was normal for any acute injury, there is an area of interest that we recommend your having an outpatient MRI for.' Pause - sound of me passing gas from the fear taking hold. Er, Doc Holiday (tee-hee) I know just about enough to be really freaked right now. Any idea what it might be? 'I would call it a hill of beans.' I wonder if he heard my fart?! (More to come on that)

Nurse Gary then wheels in the tray containing the Laceration Kit...are you kidding me?!? A buddy of mine that had shown up suggested they use the less frightening Happy Time Sew-Up Kit. I agreed...but the die had been cast. Lidocaine is fun isn't it? We should invite him over more often...I must say Doc Heezy did a good job and other than still having a smile that only functions slightly better than someone recovering from bell's palsy, a wrist that is still a teeny bit sore, and 2 knees that now know the feeling of being sprained I am good to go.

Other than this whole 'area of interest right?

That first weekend was spent spleeping, eating soft foods, and wondering what I could have done to my brizzle.

Went to my primary physician that following Monday (Lolly and my 6th anniversary!) and we reviewed the CT scan together. Of note: an area in the right parietal region most likely representing an area of encephalomalacia or, less likely, a form of schizencephaly.

Damn - I'm schizo!

As a bonus - I asked about having a wart removed from my hand that had finally grown annoying enough to warrant doing something about. What's that you say? More lidocaine? And then you're going to scalpel it off? Then cryo-freeze the bejesus out of it? Sounds like a plan. Heck, I was just saying last week how me and Lido need to hang out more often.

Have mercy on me that procedure was like taking all the pain that was spread out evenly over my body from my wreck, placing it in a lightning bolt, and having Zeus throw it directly into my thumb!!! Can you say GRREEEEAAAAARGGHHHHHFARRRGGGEEENHEEEIIIIII!!!!? I didn't think I could either.

Lolly and I ended up droping Miss KR at the grandparent's and enjoying lovely dinner at one of our favorite places...although I looked like a medical experiment gone wrong.

My MRI was scheduled for Wednesday and was not unlike lying in a bathtub while someone jackhammered the walls and floor around you. You know? Relaxing. Then it stops. You slide out. Get jabbed unexpectedly with a contrast dye. Get reinserted. Repeat.

Dental cleaning on Thursday. What no cavities? Sure, no problem your flossing my teeth and stretching my Happy Fun Time Laceration to the reopening point. No worries. Hey, is that Lidocaine? Been a couple days homey!

Friday I receive a call that I do, in fact, have MRI confirmed right-sided schizencephaly. Awesome! That's what I had hoped for. Apparently mine is of the benign anomaly type.

The following Monday I had (why not, eh?) my Healthy You annual exam. Guess what? An elevated fasting glucose of 138 (anything higher than 125 is generally - subject to confirmatory testing - considered diabetic). Are you FREAKING kidding me?!? I exercise 6 days a week, eat healthy, am of an ideal weight and lipid profile, and have an essentially negative family history.
For his part, the doc did stress that he felt the results were falsely positive and asked that I return in one week.

As quickly as the depression settled in Lolly reminded me that she had her glucometer from her pregnancy induced diabetes. I tested myself all week, focused on lean proteins, complex carbs, snacking at the proper times, etc. and, as of yesterday, am not diabetic.

I can still dream big though.